The writing on the backspace-button was already fading as I furiously jammed it and deleted the last sentence I wrote. I was working on an article for the paper, but it wasn’t going very well. Neighborhood news was just so boring.
I heard the toilet flush in the bathroom. Then, after a few tense minutes, a heartfelt curse. I sighed. Allie.
And sure enough, not much later Allie came barging into the room, her face dark and sad.
“What’s wrong?” I said, already knowing the answer. She didn’t say anything but threw a – still slightly wet – pregnancy test in the trash and cursed some more.
I pushed my chair back and walked over to her.
“Allie…” I began softly.
“No.” It always surprised me a little when she was so suddenly fierce. “Do not make me feel better about this. It won’t help. It’s broken. I’m broken. You are marrying a broken woman, Philip Horton.”
I could see tears welling up in her eyes and felt a sting of pain in my heart.
“You are not broken, Allie. You just want too much too soon. We’ve only been trying for, what, six months? That’s not that long. We’ve got plenty of time.”
“I know it isn’t,” she said sadly. “That’s not it. It just… it feels wrong. My body feels wrong, Phil. I can’t explain it. It’s instinct.”
“Maybe you’re just being a bit pessimistic,” I said carefully. “Maybe you just need to have a bit more faith that things will work themselves out and not have such high expectations. There is no reason why we couldn’t have a baby. We’re young, we’re healthy, we’re happy…”
I could see Allie wasn’t convinced, but she shrugged. “I guess.”
“Look,” I said, taking her hands in mine. “Let’s just wait until after the wedding. That gives us three more months. If things aren’t looking better then, we can make an appointment with the doctor. But until then, can you please try to relax a bit more? I don’t want you to stress out any more than you need to.”
Allie sighed. “Fine. I’ll try. I’m sorry I was so upset.”
I stroked her cheek.
“Don’t apologize. I just don’t like seeing you sad.”
Allie smiled a little. “I know.”
She let me kiss her and I grinned. “And hey, you not being pregnant yet just means we have to try harder, right?”